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Kringspiertyfus – “Who or what is this “Morticion” everyone keeps asking us about?”

kringspiertyfus – “who or what is this “morticion” everyone keeps asking us about?”


If there’s one expression that would fit this interview, than that would obviously be; better late then never. Having the big media attention behind their backs, Kringspiertyfus had now finally time to answer my in-depth questions. However, iIve to admit that it took me way too long to get things finished, and therefore my apologies to the band for the delay.


I’m afraid I can’t skip this one, since you are, despite the good reviews and internet selfpromotion probably not that well known outside the area of West-friesland, so could you give us a quick overview of the band?
Kringspiertyfus was founded about a year ago and makes the most brutal death metal ever. By the way, we are probably more well-known outside of West-Frisia than inside.

How did you manage to sound so utterly lomp?
Like our grandma says: It’s a gift dear.

How do you plan on playing life with those computerdrums? (Maybe you can give Krisiun’s lad a call..?)
Actually, we don’t think the guy from Krisiun could pull it of, but we’re perfectly satisfied with Elmer’s drums.

And how did you plan on solving the ‘problem’ that you’ve got no more then 11.40 minutes of material?
What problem? In 15 minutes we will deliver more brutality than all of those unoriginal mainstream Suffocation clones combined.

Most samples sound absolutely hilarious, and although I recognize quite a few of them, could you please tell us the names of movies they’re from?
For our non-dutch readers, could you please explain what’s a kontsnor or, ‘ass-moustache’?
Put down yer French fries, drop yer pants and bow down with yer ass facing a mirror. In between the mushy chunks, you may be able to discover some hair. Congratulations, you’ve just discovered your kontsnor.

Can you tell our non-redneck readers (in case we have any) what john deere 9600 is and why a john deere 9600 is so severely cool?
John Deere is the best tractor brand ever. When I used to work on the apples and pears farm, I used to drive a Deutz Fahr and a Fendt, but those 2 absolutely can’t compare to a John Deere, just ask Billy Bob Pendleton. The John Deere 9600 is one of the most brutal tractors ever. It even has a straw chopper! Everybody in our village is crazy about John Deere as well. Our neighbour just bought one the other day. And during the yearly All American Sunday, I bought a real John Deere license plate. I immediately put it on my car, but since the police wasn’t too thrilled about it, I had to remove it recently.

Which bands in the Dutch scene are cowboy queers?
We actually don’t know. We don’t listen to cowboy queers.

Yo’ momma is stabbed to dead and fat. Why not eat hear? That ‘ll teach them women!
Jesus, it’s just a drawing you idiot! What kind of perverse and twisted mind would kill his own mother and eat her?!? You sicko!

A or B, and why?
1. Are you three a: brothers or b: lovers?
2. A: Beer or b: Scotch?
3. A: Johnny Cash or b: Johnny rebel?
Johnny Walker
4. A: You wanna be just as bad-ass and cool as Mortician. b: You will be even more bad-ass and cool as Mortician.
What the difference between those choices? And by the way, who or what is this “Morticion” everyone keeps asking us about?
5. Your show, ‘The Tyfusses’, will replace Ozzy’s show. a: yes b: no.
No. The reason this show is such a success, is undoubtedly Kelly. Unfortunately, we don’t have such a beautiful woman with such a fantastic voice as a sister. Although our mom can sing a great version of the star spangled banner.


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